Saturday, February 28, 2009

Tragic News

I had an appointment Thursday for a regular check up at my obgyn. I was eleven weeks along and my doctor decided to do another ultrasound because my first was so early. Austin, Bailey and I all went to the appointment because we thought that it might be neat for Bailey to be able to see the baby on the ultrasound. When the doctor came in with the results from the ultrasound he gave us the bad news that something was not right with our baby. He didn't not give us any details on what it was, but gave us some ideas. The way he acted and the things he said let us know that it was something pretty serious. He told us he was sending us to a specialist to get a better idea of what was wrong.

Our appointment was the following day so we had 24 hours to let the information sink in and prepare for the fact that something was seriously wrong. From the small amount of information that we had I had a good idea of what we were facing. Austin and I spent every moment together sharing our fears and hopes and what would be the best and worst case scenarios. We both agreed that we hoped that it was nothing or something very easily dealt with or that the baby wasn't going to make it. This may sound a little harsh but the idea of having a severely handicap child was heartbreaking to us. We knew it would be hard for us and for Bailey, not even counting the quality of life the baby would have.

We went to our appointment with the specialist and the high quality ultrasound they had made it quiet obvious what was wrong. The doctor came in and gave us the news that our baby had a severe development abnormality and that there was zero percent chance of survival. The previous hours had prepared us for these results and we were almost relieved that the answer was so black and white. There would be no time of anguish wondering what would happen and how it would affect our child.

We are both very sad and mourn the loss of our baby but even in these times God is so good to us. We found out at a point much earlier than many women do and were gradually eased into the news instead of an all at once shock. Austin has been so wonderful. He has cried with me, listened to me, and shared his thoughts and emotions. He has been by my side for every moment and I could not be dealing with this as well without him. It has really helped to know his thoughts and emotions and be able to share this experience with him.

We are so blessed to have Bailey and have really been soaking that in these last few days. She is and has always been so healthy. She is very smart and just the most precious child I know, obviously. We have not told Bailey yet and that will be the most difficult part of all of this for me. Today while we were eating lunch she looked at me and said, "Mommy, Is the baby in your belly asleep now? I bet it will come out soon." Austin and I looked at each other then I had to turn away because I had big tears in my eyes. It just broke my heart. She was looking so forward to being a big sister.

We pray that we will be able to heal quickly both physically and emotionally. We look forward to trying for another child and look forward to the blessings for our family in the future. For all of you who had already heard the news thank you for all your prayers. For those of you who are just hearing this we would appreciate your prayers through this time in our lives.

For those that have been through tough times like this our heart is with you. We do not feel in any way that God does things like this to people but that we live in a broken world. This is simply the result of the brokenness of our creation due to the fall of mankind. Followers of Christ are not exempt from tragedy but we have Jesus to go through it with us. Where God does not cause these things he does want to take the weak and broken things in this world and teach us more about himself so we can be more like him. Jesus we love you and will praise you in this storm.

Austin & Alesha

4 comments:

Rachel Freeman said...

Hey guys. I just want to say how refreshing it is to see your unfailing faith! I know you guys are hurting, and as mothers, Alesha, I can't even imagine your thoughts and fears. But, I do know you have amazing faith and some extra crowns up in heaven for that. I just wanted you to know that even though this is a horrible time, your faith in Jesus Christ is inspirational and a blessing to me. I love you guys and we will continue to pray for your family.

Charity said...

I am so sorry to hear this news about your new baby. You are blessed to have eachother, and Bailey. I'll be praying for you throughout this rough time in your life.

Anonymous said...

Alesha, I have been praying for you guys since Shiela sent out the email last Friday. My heart is so broken for you, Austin and Bailey. Your faith is an inspiration. I will pray that you find the right words to tell Bailey and that God will cover you in his perfect peace. I love ya, girl!

Deby said...

For various reasons, it's been a long time since I've checked your blog. Your news is heartbreaking, yet so sweet to see how God works and how you respond. You've praise God as you walk 'through the wilderness,' and now I'm praying that you'll continue to find His faithfulness & love in everything (and everyone like your sweet little girl)that surrounds you. I love you guys!