Tragic News

I had an appointment Thursday for a regular check up at my obgyn. I was eleven weeks along and my doctor decided to do another ultrasound because my first was so early. Austin, Bailey and I all went to the appointment because we thought that it might be neat for Bailey to be able to see the baby on the ultrasound. When the doctor came in with the results from the ultrasound he gave us the bad news that something was not right with our baby. He didn't not give us any details on what it was, but gave us some ideas. The way he acted and the things he said let us know that it was something pretty serious. He told us he was sending us to a specialist to get a better idea of what was wrong.

Our appointment was the following day so we had 24 hours to let the information sink in and prepare for the fact that something was seriously wrong. From the small amount of information that we had I had a good idea of what we were facing. Austin and I spent every moment together sharing our fears and hopes and what would be the best and worst case scenarios. We both agreed that we hoped that it was nothing or something very easily dealt with or that the baby wasn't going to make it. This may sound a little harsh but the idea of having a severely handicap child was heartbreaking to us. We knew it would be hard for us and for Bailey, not even counting the quality of life the baby would have.

We went to our appointment with the specialist and the high quality ultrasound they had made it quiet obvious what was wrong. The doctor came in and gave us the news that our baby had a severe development abnormality and that there was zero percent chance of survival. The previous hours had prepared us for these results and we were almost relieved that the answer was so black and white. There would be no time of anguish wondering what would happen and how it would affect our child.

We are both very sad and mourn the loss of our baby but even in these times God is so good to us. We found out at a point much earlier than many women do and were gradually eased into the news instead of an all at once shock. Austin has been so wonderful. He has cried with me, listened to me, and shared his thoughts and emotions. He has been by my side for every moment and I could not be dealing with this as well without him. It has really helped to know his thoughts and emotions and be able to share this experience with him.

We are so blessed to have Bailey and have really been soaking that in these last few days. She is and has always been so healthy. She is very smart and just the most precious child I know, obviously. We have not told Bailey yet and that will be the most difficult part of all of this for me. Today while we were eating lunch she looked at me and said, "Mommy, Is the baby in your belly asleep now? I bet it will come out soon." Austin and I looked at each other then I had to turn away because I had big tears in my eyes. It just broke my heart. She was looking so forward to being a big sister.

We pray that we will be able to heal quickly both physically and emotionally. We look forward to trying for another child and look forward to the blessings for our family in the future. For all of you who had already heard the news thank you for all your prayers. For those of you who are just hearing this we would appreciate your prayers through this time in our lives.

For those that have been through tough times like this our heart is with you. We do not feel in any way that God does things like this to people but that we live in a broken world. This is simply the result of the brokenness of our creation due to the fall of mankind. Followers of Christ are not exempt from tragedy but we have Jesus to go through it with us. Where God does not cause these things he does want to take the weak and broken things in this world and teach us more about himself so we can be more like him. Jesus we love you and will praise you in this storm.

Austin & Alesha

Bad Dream and Broken Heart

My poor baby girl had her first nightmare a few nights ago. She came in my room crying and saying "Mommy you need to come to my room there is something scary". I could not get her to tell me what her dream was about. I stayed with her for a few minutes. I sat there rubbing her face telling her that everything was okay. I watched her little eyes darting around the room to make sure there were no monsters. She would sniffle from time to time. It broke my heart. I cannot stand to think about her laying there scared. I have always been a big chicken myself so I can remember laying in bed at night scared of everything.

The next night she was so resistant to bed time. The later it got the more she kept saying, "I am never going to bed again". When I told her it was time to go brush teeth and go to bed she started crying and saying "What if I have another bad dream?". Talk about killing me. I was ready to just put her in our bed and be done with it but I knew that wasn't the answer. We got in the bed to read her bedtime story and started talking about all the things that make her happy. We talked about her friends, family, cake, her new bed, and several other things that came to her mind. By the time I left she was smiling and seemed to be okay. I prayed several times throughout the night that she would have a wonderful night. She slept all night and woke up in a wonderful mood. Yeah!! She said "I didn't even have any bad dreams". Thank you God.

Bailey's Room

Bailey's room has kind of been my pet project since we moved in the new house. We painted before we moved in and have been gradually adding things. We got her a new bedroom suite a few weeks ago. She is sleeping well in her new "big bed". It gives her more room to move around than the toddler bed did.

Another Taylor Baby on the Way

Austin and I found out a few weeks ago that we are expecting another baby. I don't know why but I have been very nervous this time. We didn't want to announce it until we had our first doctor visit. We went to the doctor Thursday and had an ultrasound. Everything looked great and we are expecting the new addition in September.

Bailey is so excited about being a big sister. She couldn't stop smiling and laughing when Austin and I gave her the big news. When I was trying to explain to her what was happening I used our friend Kacey who has a 10 month old baby boy as an example. I said "Do you remember when Mrs. Kacey's belly got big and then Levi came out? That is what is going to happen to Mommy". Bailey quickly said "Their baby was a boy baby and my baby is going to be a girl baby." We'll see if she is right. She has been telling people for a while now that she has a baby in Mommy's belly.

I have been explaining to Bailey over the last few months how she used to live in Mommy's belly until she grew big enough to come out. We looked at pictures of my pregnant belly and her as a new born. She seems to understand fairly well. I guess about as well as a three year old can. She knows we'll go to the hospital and they will get the baby out then we can bring it home. The other day she lifted my shirt and said "Mommy, your belly isn't big yet, did the baby come out already?" I think she will have a hard time waiting. We will keep you all updated.